Thursday, March 24, 2011

Cosmetic industry conspiracy

  I have actually learned to look in the mirror and not vomit. I accept the fact that my face has seen a lot and most of it in the blazing sun. So I spruce it up with layers of camouflage and various anti-aging creams, lotions, bases and powders. Then I get to the eyeshadow part. I look very carefully at the photo of the model on the front cover of my eyeshadow. It even comes with very handy and helpful instructions. This is particularly helpful for those of us who grew up in the era of roll-on Dr. Pepper lip smackers and blue eyeshadow. How hard can this be? So I apply the frosted eyeshadow under the brow for 'highlighting'. Yippee! Now my wrinkles that were hiding in the crease of my increasingly drooping eyelid are HIGH lighted!! Such genius. It really is a plot to make those of us born in the last millenium look even older. Well played.
   Why do I suddenly feel like baby Jane  in the Bette Davis movie?

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Gotta start somewhere....

I am dumbfounded by the fact that I am suddenly 47, ( almost 48) years old. It's pathetic really that I actually thought that I was special, or different somehow and that I'd never really age and that normal human frailties would not apply to me. It's the height of narcissism really to complain and be shocked by the fact that I am now officially an old woman.
   So last month I have to break down and get a pair of reading glasses. But I stress to everyone who is within earshot that "they are the weeeea-kest strength". I actually let out a little harrumph everytime I put them on. Yesterday I downloaded 2 apps for exercising and the print on the instructions was so tiny I had to get my glasses to read how to do a sit-up properly. Really? Good god, my great-grandmother was out in the back yard chasing down and wringing the neck of chickens for dinner when she was 47/48 and here I sit on my living room floor with my iphone exercise app and reading glasses. Maybe I should buy some chickens for the back yard............